Movie Review - United 93

United 93 (2006)
directed by Paul Greengrass
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
seen on the screen at the Malco Paradiso

No one has noticed - and someone should - that in "United 93," Paul Greengrass includes very specific criticisms of George W. Bush, women in uniform, women in crisis situations, and religious invocation (if not belief).

But the bottom line is this: if you've seen Air Force One, you can imagine "United 93." More "tasteful," perhaps, and almost certainly more romantic, but essentially a mediocre action movie inhabited by speculative human drama.

25th Hour was a great movie about September 11. This isn't.

Movie Review - Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay

Morgane et ses nymphes (1971)
directed by Bruno Gantillon
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

My closest point of comparison is, inevitably, The Wicker Man. Same skin show, same unlikely satisfaction. For each male, a naked woman. Instead of superstition, magic. And enchanted, eerie Auvergne as stand-in for coastal Britain. The title alone makes it seem like a guiltier pleasure, but - why not - pick of the week.

Movie Review - This Gun For Hire

This Gun For Hire (1942)
directed by Frank Tuttle
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from As Seen On TV

"Cruelty" is another of the many reasons that these Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake pairings are so good. Cruel men and cruel women, cruel chance, cruel fate. It's almost as if an hour and a half is all the audience should be able to take, like it's us tortured, not them. But no. Here, even eighty minutes beats your shortest hour.

Movie Review - The Sugarland Express

The Sugarland Express (1974)
directed by Steven Spielbergo
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD at Andy's

There's a lovely moment here when Ben Johnson falls in love with Goldie Hawn. His expression isn't fatherly, or wistful; it's young. Later, of course, Spielberg made love synonymous with obligation, and that's why I'll never buy the cynical, non-commitive moralism of movies like Munich. "Everyone has their reasons," Steve might say. But Renoir was Ben Johnson - Ben the Lion - and they were never old.

Movie Review - Reign of Terror

The Black Book (1949)
directed by Anthony Mann
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

Safe to say, if Jonathan Rosenbaum says "campy," he probably won't let you get away with "gay."

When I say "gay," you're more than welcome to substitute "costume drama," "hugely enjoyable," or "period noir," but potatoes are potatoes, and this is a basketful.

Movie Review - Escape from New York

Escape from New York (1981)
directed by John Carpenter
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from the vaults

When the threats and violence don't seem scary, I suppose you're watching the first slip in an eventual slide towards camp. But "Escape from New York" remains a trim, cynical coup, and Snake (and Carpenter) stay the kings of their day, two sharp-tongued entertainment emcees. They're not assholes, either one, not beneath that John Ford eye-patch. Movie lovers, rather, full of LA cheer.

Movie Review - My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

L'Ami de mon amie (1987)
directed by Eric Rohmer
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from the vaults

Out with the usual charges against our number one main man: too much original sin, too much tedium. With the "Comedies and Proverbs" series (in which this is last and best), young women were freed from the narrative frames of moral, self-centered young men, and Rohmer became the preeminent enabler of female protagonists. Here, and in all the great ones, no one knows quite what they want. They don't trust themselves, or entirely believe their hearts. But they figure it out. The world bends in, or time diverts, and a few clear moments of engagement show the way.

Movie Review - Carmen Jones

Carmen Jones (1954)
directed by Otto Preminger
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

From Richard Linklater's Netflix queue (you'll have to take my word for it) to mine. I guess Rick and I can agree on operatic melodrama when it's this, but not, apparently, when it's "Carmen Jones." Because nothing ages worse than dat ol' Hammerstein patois.

Movie Review - Heartworn Highways

Heartworn Highways (1981)
directed by James Szalapski
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from the vaults

My favorite documentary about people who play music. A winter season and its low-beam headlights are key, hard at the back of a warm and easy instant.

TV Review - Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars (2004)
Ep. 1 - "Pilot," directed by Mark Piznarski
Ep. 2 - "Credit Where Credit's Due," directed by Mark Piznarski
Ep. 3 - "Meet John Smith," directed by Harry Winer
Ep. 4 - "The Wrath of Con," directed by Michael Fields
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

Here as in real life, heart-warming video tributes to former lovers and dead friends constitute flat-out, unforgivable schmaltz.

Then again, I'm sure Veronica's target age demographic skews a little lower than the Oxford nursing home where I live these days.

One last rattle of the cane: "VM" proves that the magic in "Buffy" was much more than metaphor for the daily grind of coastal CA.

Movie Review - Mr. Arkadin

The Corinth Version (1955)
directed by Orson Welles
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from the vaults

The perfect antidote to "The Glass Key." Stuart Heisler's studio polish and iron-cool surfaces only enlarge the overstuffed corners and filthy shirtsleeves of Welles' love letter to Eastern European confidence-men, magicians, and fakes.

Most people always talk about the Welles movie they didn't see, but that's just hot air. From goblin flea circus to mildewed control tower, "Arkadin" is nothing if not engrossingly watchable, mighty sad (age, age, Arkadin laments), and - start to finish - pure joy.

Movie Review - The Glass Key

The Glass Key (1942)
directed by Stuart Heisler
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from As Seen On TV

For those of us who rank Humphrey Bogart's encounter with the rainy day bookstore clerk in The Big Sleep as one of the great fantasies in movies, "The Glass Key" is essential viewing. It's every bit as cynical, violent, and sex-crazed as every great noir that followed it, from Double Indemnity on down to whatever you think the last great noir was. Ladd grins as good as Burt Lancaster ever did, Snip's a fine nickname, and nurses like Frances Gifford only compliment the Janet Henrys of this grand American continent.

Pick of the week.

Movie Review - Murmur of the Heart

Le Souffle au coeur (1971)
directed by Louis Malle
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

I can't talk about how much I love French directors like Eric Rohmer without shying away from conversations about French movies like this one. You might never mistake a Rohmer movie for something not-Norman - action, action, ACTION you'll scream - but Rohmer's women and Rohmer's men will be recognizable to you. Lively, pretty, unhappy or glad.

Malle's boys are rich, and in "Murmur of the Heart," they slum it. They canoodle with prostitutes, with guests at the spa, they get drunk and sleep with their poor-born but affectionate Italian mother. It isn't a movie about growing up as much as it is a movie about growing up wealthy, so that none of the kids' freedoms feel like risks (as they are in, say, "The 400 Blows"), but entitlements of their unexceptional upbringings.

Nor does Malle try, in those scenes with mom, any Buñuelian surrealist gambol, or light-hearted ode to love's elemental open arms, because nothing in the movie's final scene suggests anything other than all three sons winding up proudly and precisely in their unbearable father's position and place, condescending with a grin to their own trendy anarchist broods.

Movie Review - Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)
directed by David Lynch
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from As Seen On TV

This is one of Lynch's very best movies (alright, let's say #3): the skeleton key, the thesis argument, the heart and soul of his whole career. Whatever demons or interests Lynch wrestles with from film to film, Laura Palmer is the character who occupied the most of his time. And where does he end up with this definitive "woman in trouble"? In spite of the horror, the sadness, the fear? He saves her.

Movie Review - Soigne ton gauche

Soigne ton gauche (1936)
directed by René Clément
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from the vaults

Nothing like a friend recommending the great short film you already own and never bothered to see.

Movie Review - The Mission

The Mission (1986)
directed by Roland Joffé
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

It's hard to top so succinct a thematic summation as a Jesuit in South America tied early to a cross and set adrift down the river towards his roaring, avalanching doom. Will Campbell - the quintessential liberal Presbyterian minister - must have wallowed in the ensuing melodrama, a weight that all but overwhelms the lurking beast of accountability and conscience. The animal's there; it just gets lost between so much green and so much ham. Sorry, Jeremy Irons and Robert De Niro. Sorry, deep jungle. Sorry, gloomy world.

Movie Review - Blue Velvet

Blue Velvet (1986)
directed by David Lynch
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD at Andy's

I learned in Twin Peaks that Lynch is a writer and director with an enormous capacity for goodness in his characters. So the toy robin at the end of "Blue Velvet" isn't just a refutation of (or warning to) the warmth that Jeffrey and Sandy - post-Frank, post-Dorothy - seem able to return to.

Lynch takes Sandy seriously when she relates her bird-dreams of love. He doesn't shy from Frank's perversity, or Jeffrey's complicit involvement, but if the movie's opening montage - the rot at the heart of things - were Lynch's whole point, "Blue Velvet" simply wouldn't be as satisfying (as enjoyable, as funny, as romantic) as it is.

TV Review - Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks (1991)
Ep. 25 - "On the Wings of Love," directed by Duwayne Dunham
Ep. 26 - "Variations On Relations," directed by Jonathan Sanger
Ep. 27 - "The Path to the Black Lodge," directed by Stephen Gyllenhaal
Ep. 28 - "Miss Twin Peaks," directed by Tim Hunter
Ep. 29 - "Beyond Life and Death," directed by David Lynch
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from The Lafayette County & Oxford Public Library

Best television show ever. *

Movie Review - Ugetsu

Ugetsu monogatari (1953)
directed by Kenji Mizoguchi
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from the vaults

The kicker here is how simple it all is: the sound stage fog, the easy pan as the camera waits for Genjurô to walk outdoors and returns to find (Mrs.) Miyagi by the fire.

Movie Review - Sabata

Ehi amico... c'è Sabata, hai chiuso! (1969)
directed by Gianfranco Parolini
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

Lee Van Cleef gets his moment in Yojimbo's sun, armed with a pea-shooter and a rifle, eager to shortcut his very gay opponent. Perfect for whatever day you enjoy watching goofy Spaghetti Westerns.

Movie Review - The Last American Hero

The Last American Hero (1973)
directed by Lamont Johnson
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

The New York Times won't let me re-read whatever it was that Dave Kehr wrote to compel me to add this movie to the Netflix queue in February. Since then (today, actually) I found another New York Times article talking about some edits to the original cut that weren't restored for this DVD release. No matter. You've got Busey and Bridges as brothers, lots of moonshining, and, well, not much else. Whatever, Dave.

Movie Review - Howl's Moving Castle

Hauru no ugoku shiro (2004)
directed by Hayao Miyazaki
rating: 4 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

I think I'd forgotten how good Miyazaki's movies are, or I'm sure I would have seen this sooner. Here there is a difference between the essential nature of a gunpowder spark and the warmth of a hearth. A sidekick remains mute - a scarecrow with his wide arms to the breeze. It demands, and provides, a little wonder.

Movie Review - Mulholland Dr.

Mulholland Dr. (2001)
directed by David Lynch
rating: 5 out 5 jalapeños
on DVD at Andy's

With the windows in the apartment open on a warm spring night, I can't think of anything I'd rather watch more than "Mulholland Dr.," with its dewy colors, rich light, and strange and dreamy narrative. David Lynch and I are enjoying a real renaissance of late, and I'm sure he'd be glad to hear that. He'd be the man to change my mind about Blue Velvet, if anyone could.

Movie Review - A History of Violence

A History of Violence (2005)
directed by David Cronenberg
rating: 1 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

I read that the dynamic killings in this movie should fuel my own philosophical train of thought with regards to - violence, I guess. Instead I'm left wondering why Aragorn's teenage son acts like his toddler kid sister, why the sister is portrayed as the most emotionally mature member of the family, and why sex always has to be about something besides sex in movies like this. Didn't David Cronenberg used to have a sense of humor? Like in Naked Lunch, when Roy Scheider pops out of the funny alien costume? That sure was hilarious.

TV Review - Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks (1990, 1991)
Ep. 20 - "Checkmate," directed by Todd Holland
Ep. 21 - "Double Play," directed by Uli Edel
Ep. 22 - "Slaves and Masters," directed by Diane Keaton (!)
Ep. 23 - "The Condemned Woman," directed by Lesli Linka Glatter
Ep. 24 - "Wounds and Scars," directed by James Foley
rating: 5 out 5 jalapeños
on VHS from The Lafayette County & Oxford Public Library

"Twin Peaks" heads South as Ben Horne marches north on Washington. This is the sort of digression that shouldn't work, but does.

And Bob shouldn't still be so scary, but is.

Bob is also a very simple palindrome.

Movie Review - Ask the Dust

Ask the Dust (2006)
directed by Robert Towne
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on the big screen at Malco Ridgeway Four

Towne goes for the old studio system approach to adapting John Fante's late, great book and makes LA in the thirties look just like a play. Not so good if you're after an atmospheric California, but great if you'll settle for a frequently naked Salma Hayek. I will, and I did.

TV Review - Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks (1990)
Ep. 18 - "Masked Ball," directed by Duwayne Dunham
Ep. 19 - "The Black Widow," directed by Caleb Deschanel
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from The Lafayette County & Oxford Public Library

In which the Black Lodge is discussed and Cooper's shadow-self raised in conversation.

When I'm alone these days I have a lot of difficulty looking into a mirror (or being alone), and that's only going to get worse.

Movie Review - Strangler of the Swamp

Strangler of the Swamp (1946)
directed by Frank Wisbar
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Netflix

As the ghost of ferryman Douglas takes his revenge on a village's worth of cowardly accusers, buxom redhead Rosemary LaPlanche plays Abby to 59 minutes worth of Swamp Thing fog, isolation, and deep pools.

Pick of the week.

Movie Review - The Blue Dahlia

The Blue Dahlia (1946)
directed by George Marshall
rating: 3 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from As Seen On TV

Does it make me sad to know that Veronica Lake died depressed and alone? Yes it does.

- "Well don't you even say good night?"
- "It's goodbye. And it's tough to say goodbye."
- "Why is it? You've never seen me before tonight."
- "Every guy's seen you before, somewhere. The trick is to find you."

Movie Review - Capote

Capote (2005)
directed by Bennett Miller
rating: 2 out of 5 jalapeños
on DVD from Andy

The best part of this movie is Philip Seymour Hoffman's adamant insistence (in an extra that makes it look like he showed up a little late on "special features" day) that his caricature of Truman Capote was not, in fact, a caricature.

On the other hand, Clifton Collins, Jr. does no shame to the legacy of his grandfather, Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez, a great actor and Duke Wayne's best good friend.

TV Review - Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks (1990)
Ep. 13 - Demons, directed by Lesli Linka Glatter
Ep. 14 - Lonely Souls, directed by David Lynch
Ep. 15 - Drive With A Dead Girl, directed by Caleb Deschanel
Ep. 16 - Arbitrary Law, directed by Tim Hunter
Ep. 17 - Dispute Between Brothers, directed by Tina Rathborne
rating: 5 out of 5 jalapeños
on VHS from The Lafayette County & Oxford Public Library

In which "Twin Peaks" becomes David Lynch's glorious paramount achievement.

Man oh man.