Escape is the Only Answer That Makes Sense to Me
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
directed by Chris Sivertson
rating: 1 out of 5 cravats
on DVD from Netflix
The opening credit sequence lets you know just what you showed up to see, but I have to admit, Sivertson does it with style. Too much, in fact, for the train wreck that follows, which I'd hoped since 2007 was secretly a gem. But no, it's a comedy of miscommunication and non sequitur edits, best exemplified by a two-minute segment that cuts from a murder autopsy to Lindsay flirting with the yard man to a scene out of Friday Night Lights. Nevermind the glow from rechargeable robotic appendages lighting up the room while newly paraplegic Aubrey/Dakota has sex, because that scene is saddest simply for my having sat through the movie that long.
The first question you ask is whether Aubrey is supposed to be in high school. She looks thirty, but she isn't, and she can't decide whether she wants to be a gifted piano player or a gifted writer. This is the kind of line that Aubrey likes to speak, except that she speaks it as her twin sister/alter ego Dakota (the one from the previews): "You know, maybe that's why ghosts are restless. Because there's nothing left of what they were except the pain."
But Aubrey goes without a choice, in the end, because she's kidnapped by a serial killer and tortured to a degree that Christopher Lee never would have stood for. Being the monster he is, the bad guy goes right for the fingers with dry ice and a plate of broken blue glass. The color blue plays a recurring, if not important role in I Know Who Killed Me, but it gives the killer's latex gloves a Blue Man Group vibe. Julia Ormond, meanwhile, delivers some incredible soliloquies on motherhood while holding a hairless cat; she's married to that actor you usually see as an Army corporal or German terrorist.
It isn't enjoyable, though, as hard as I might try to see it that way. Lilo, you never had to play a stripper. You could have been funny and sweet your whole career, and it would have been enough.
directed by Chris Sivertson
rating: 1 out of 5 cravats
on DVD from Netflix
The opening credit sequence lets you know just what you showed up to see, but I have to admit, Sivertson does it with style. Too much, in fact, for the train wreck that follows, which I'd hoped since 2007 was secretly a gem. But no, it's a comedy of miscommunication and non sequitur edits, best exemplified by a two-minute segment that cuts from a murder autopsy to Lindsay flirting with the yard man to a scene out of Friday Night Lights. Nevermind the glow from rechargeable robotic appendages lighting up the room while newly paraplegic Aubrey/Dakota has sex, because that scene is saddest simply for my having sat through the movie that long.
The first question you ask is whether Aubrey is supposed to be in high school. She looks thirty, but she isn't, and she can't decide whether she wants to be a gifted piano player or a gifted writer. This is the kind of line that Aubrey likes to speak, except that she speaks it as her twin sister/alter ego Dakota (the one from the previews): "You know, maybe that's why ghosts are restless. Because there's nothing left of what they were except the pain."
But Aubrey goes without a choice, in the end, because she's kidnapped by a serial killer and tortured to a degree that Christopher Lee never would have stood for. Being the monster he is, the bad guy goes right for the fingers with dry ice and a plate of broken blue glass. The color blue plays a recurring, if not important role in I Know Who Killed Me, but it gives the killer's latex gloves a Blue Man Group vibe. Julia Ormond, meanwhile, delivers some incredible soliloquies on motherhood while holding a hairless cat; she's married to that actor you usually see as an Army corporal or German terrorist.
It isn't enjoyable, though, as hard as I might try to see it that way. Lilo, you never had to play a stripper. You could have been funny and sweet your whole career, and it would have been enough.
posted by NPK at 7:15 AM
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